Prowl
by shattered petal
Summary: His face reflects the emotions which drive him insane. -Remus/Tonks


**Title**: Prowl  
**Genres**: Angst  
**Rating**: K+  
**Couple**: Remus/Tonks

* * *

His face reflects the emotions which drive him insane.

Remus isn't cruel; he's confused. Unsure. It's a common human trait, but he feels ashamed for being so blind and locked up. He is foreign to comfort which involves more than a simple pat on the shoulder. Really, he's just a young boy inside, scared for what horrors love can bring. He has grown old, believing to die alone – a thought he isn't dreading. He is used to it by now.

Suddenly she snaps. It sends him into the pit of Hell. Layered atop of the confusion, he swells with a stinging guilt. But he has never felt so afraid. It doesn't take him long to realise it's not _her_ he's afraid of – it's _himself_. He is scared of what he can do to her. If his Potion does not claw down his neck, his mind can be snatched away when the moon shows its ugly face, and she'll be barely a trickle of a memory to him. Once his body breaks and forces itself into this _monster_he truly is, she is vulnerable. He can tear her; rip her to shreds – kill her.

_Oh, but she is so young._

Since he first met her, Remus had no idea that she would at all like him. It's crazy! She is so young and small. He feels like he should be the father figure to her – _at the most._

Sirius enjoyed to laugh at his ageing friend, who has never had the experience of a woman's touch. Remus would smile and snigger alongside – both he and Sirius know he doesn't care.

But Sirius is gone. He can no longer joke.

Remus is left stranded with his emotions and he desperately seeks advice. There is none. He is alone. He has to be brave on two legs for once.

His guilt can be answered. He thought she was playing with him. Who could blame him? He didn't know. He smiled when she did when they fall onto the bed; he laughed when she responded dramatically to his silly teases; he sobbed bitterly when he realised he had somehow become an awful man.

'I'm too old.' It's a good excuse in his head, but when he states it it sounds stupid and pathetic. She would yell at him, and sometimes storm away crying. The amount of times he had broken her, just for her own sake. How cruel.

Remus doesn't want to be _cruel _to her.

'I don't care whether you're man or wolf or in between!' She says, her eyes wild with affection. He turns away and swallows a sob. She grits her teeth and exclaims at him. 'I've told you so many times! Why don't you _listen _to me?'

'I do.' He says calmly. 'I do listen.' He shakes his head. 'I can't. I'm sorry.'

She sends her hand through her pink hair, irritated. He bows his head in apology.

'That's it then?' her voice breaks. He hates to see her like this. He likes – _loves_ – her when she's fun and silly. She seems to struggle what to say next. 'Is – Well, is that _it _then?'

It takes him a while to register what she has asked. Were those moments between them nothing? Is he going to shrug her off? He widened his eyes and wants to scream.

'No, I don't. . . want it to be.' It's an answer she's heard many times before. She waits for the day when he accepts himself and then her, and then both of them together.

There is an agonising silence between them that slowly rips his heart.

Without a thought, she throws herself on him. He being so tall, she can only just reach him on her toes. He kisses her back a little timidly, her fierce passion sending him over the edge.

He breaks away. It's the same process over and over again. He clenches his fists and holds back a small cry. No, he's acting ridiculous. He's exhausted with this powerful, overwhelming and cruel emotion.

Nothing provokes him to push her away though. He will be completely lost without her. He can't imagine her not with him. How he loathes irony – fate.

'I'm weird too.'

He smiles sadly by her naïve comment.

Remus sighs heavily and gives into his mad thoughts. He grabs Tonks and pushes her tightly against him, desperate to not let her go. She grips onto his jacket fiercely, pressing her head against his chest.

Whilst he imagines them together for a few seconds, it is only a few seconds later when an invisible force pulls her away from him again.


End file.
